I'm sure "throwing out the rules" requires a bit of unraveling...the unraveling of my ways of thinking for sure. Even though I embrace challenging myself on such things, there are times I wrestle with myself all the same. Do I really want change? I do. On days like today, I do long more than anything else, to be the most authentic version of myself and to love people while being it...this is the good sort of unraveling.
As for my picture here...I hope to, at some point in my life, be able to have enough sex to not feel I am in need of it...wouldn't that be great? I always want it, always "need" it. As a single mom and never a good sleeper, there will never be a knowledge of what 'enough' sleep is, so sleep, I can often forgo. However, being a lover and not a fighter, I would never punch anyone in the face and I don't even have a face in mind, but if LIFE had a face, yeah, sometimes I would like to give it a good ole punch, and other times a big ole kiss.
My best friend took me to lunch today and said "I can just feel this is your year!" She's not one of those bubbly, over-optimistic types, she's real, she knows me backwards and forwards, she's able to see me and explain myself to me in ways others can't. So when she says "This is your year", I long to believe that she knows exactly how I would define "my year" or a great year and that she has some cosmic insight, meaning it will be true. I hope she's right.
Today, though, I miss my mom and am having a hard time focusing on what is, versus what will be, should be or used to be. No matter what I do, I can't make those feelings my mom used to give me appear, nor can I fake the fact I miss them. So, while I will crawl into the hope that this truly is my year and I hope I will be able to tell my BFF she was right, I'm just trying to make it through today with little sleep, no sex and not punching anyone in the face.
ps...I know you guys hoped I had been unraveled in the most steamy way possible! Hope you'll stay tuned anyway.
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