If you didn’t get a chance to read “the art of a kind
goodbye” then maybe you should as a preface to this post. But basically my mantra in dating is to be
kind…in the good and the bad, be kind.
And you know what? I don’t have
the dramatic horror stories others have in this crazy world of dating. I firmly believe it’s because I’ve made it a
point to take the high road, to expect the best, to encourage, to know when to
walk away, but walk away in the light with magnificent grace. I don’t just mean grace for myself, but grace
for us all.
Remember, we are all learning in this dating thing. Or we
should be anyway. And hopefully we are
dating people enlightened enough to take their lessons and walk ahead. The benefit of dating and meeting a lot of men that aren’t quite right for you,
is you begin to see a clearer picture of who is…and know better when to walk
when they aren’t.
Which brings me to springboards…
Before I met “Metaphor Man” I had tried to go on maybe 4 or
5 first dates but I just didn’t enjoy them.
Not because the men weren’t enjoyable or interesting or attractive or
respectable. I didn’t’ enjoy them because
“The one who ran away” bruised me enough to where I couldn’t quite go on a date
without wishing it was him the whole time.
When I met “The one who ran away” he said something that, at
the time, seemed so amazingly sweet, but became true in a way contrary to how
he meant it. I think. He
said “I want to ruin you for any other man.”
What he meant was he wanted to be so good to me that I wouldn’t even
think of another man being better. It
sounded great at the time. But after he
disappeared and I had no idea why, I feared I was ruined…and after all of those
first dates, I would hear his words in my head as I sat there wishing it I was
sitting across from him instead of the man of the hour.
It turned out that after four months of nothing, I finally
heard from “The one who ran away” and maybe I will blog about that sometime. But I had been promising myself I was going
to go back online just a couple of days before he reappeared and kept putting
it off. However, that closure I finally
got was all I needed to get back out there and not feel quite so ruined.
A few days later I met “Metaphor Man” and with complete
respect and tactfulness, he noticed right away the ugly bruises that were left
in the wake of my ruin. He might not
have recognized them as such, but he challenged me to take off my brakes, throw
out the rules, be vulnerable, expand my understanding of freedom within spirituality
and reminded me I was beautiful.
This wasn’t a rebound situation because I wasn’t thinking at
all about “The One Who Got Away”…but he was still marking me…bits of ruin still
existed and that’s where I thought I cleverly could prevent it from happening
again. We’ve all gone into protective
mode before. I applied brakes before I even started
driving, built a wall of rules like a fortress and although I have always been
severely authentic, I’ve never known how to be truly vulnerable. But “Metaphor Man” effortlessly saw right
through all of those things and brought out more of the real me that existed
before I became ruined.
Despite “Metaphor Man’s” ability to challenge me in the way
I love to be challenged, the brief time we spent together had a purpose. I learned so much from him that I actually
didn’t friend zone him when I knew we couldn’t meet each other’s needs. Maybe I was selfish when I purposely held on
a little longer. I realized early on
that while “Catalyst” was there to ease me back into my new life post-divorce and
gently prepare me, “Metaphor Man” was my catalyst of vulnerability. It was something he sowed into me knowing he
wouldn’t reap the rewards…a selfless act, actually.
So when I started with my current guy “The Scot”, (no, that’s
not his name…he’s Scottish) I was in a much better place, yet he actually noticed
the slightest tinges of those faint bruises, too. I’m happy to report that through “The Scot’s”
tender care of me the traces have disappeared, he makes me believe about myself
all the wonderful things he tells me. Yet,
I couldn’t help but think that “Metaphor Man” actually prepared me to be ready
for the amazing thing that is unfolding in my new relationship now. That is a gift and it’s easily one that can
be missed if you don’t make a purposeful decision to be introspective, yet friendly
and kind and full of grace in your dating. Society tells us far too often to blame
instead of learn.
When I ended it with “Metaphor Man” (which was done by text
because we both abhor the phone), I started by asking “Can we just be friends?”
because that really seemed like all we needed to be or had evolutionarily
become. We haven’t texted but a couple
of times since, but had a great conversation this week that reminded me why
Kindness in dating is so important and I’m pretty sure he would agree.
We were just chatting about his move and both our jobs. I said something about noticing he hadn’t
been blogging as much lately. He told me
the reason why…he had fallen in love with someone, completely surprising
him. I was actually elated at this good
news! So I felt free to share with him about
“The Scot” and we both were so very happy for each other.
The exchange culminated with” Metaphor Man” saying, “You
have a spirit that can’t be contained, and never should be. The Scot is a lucky guy and sounds like a
wonderful man to let your spirit burst forth and be nurtured.” I replied “Angela is a lucky gal to be able
to engage you like you describe. Your
mind is so amazing and I think it takes a rare person to keep it stimulated. I’m so happy for you and encourage you to
love her with all of you!”
So that, my friends, is a Springboard. Metaphor Man and I were just walking up to the
springboard together, supporting each other as we dove into what lied ahead…separately
. Actually, it’s has sprung us both
towards something even better than we knew could be.
